Originally today was supposed to be the day that I left for my Russian adventure, however, man's ways are not God's ways. Because of unexpected delays in getting my visa I am now leaving on July 4 or 5th to go to Russia. Please keep me in your prayers. The last month has been very stressful. I have not yet raised my full support for my trip and until last week was waiting to hear about my visa. I've also been dealing with a lot of personal issues in the last few weeks. I'm still looking and praying for a new roommate for next year. I've been back and forth to the International House of Prayer quite a bit the last few weeks, and some of my friends up there have been helping me realize some things in my heart that I need to deal with and ways that I need to let God move in my heart. Feelings of unworthiness, rejection, loneliness, and having to perform are just some of the things I've been struggling with. I know that I need to realize God's love for me in a new way and just let him love me. It's so hard to just sit back and do nothing that when I do, I'm accused by the enemy that I'm a failure or it's my fault that things aren't working out the way I'd like. But those are lies. Especially with this trip, this is the Lord's trip not mine. I have done practically nothing to make this trip happen and I know that there is nothing I can do to make everything come together with my visa and money. I have to trust God fully and completely because there is nothing else I can do. I know that this whole trip is not a mistake. Despite people like my dad telling me that it is foolish, I know that God wants me to go on this trip and I know that the Lord will provide for all of my needs. Still all that doesn't change the fact that I feel lost, confused, and scared about everything in my future.
Please pray for me, I need more of Jesus desperately every single day. I know that I can't do anything without him.
