Back Home

I arrived back in Kansas last Sunday and was picked up by a very dear friend. The last two weeks of my time in Russia went very fast. Including myself, 11 foreigners flew in to participate in OM's Global Challenge. We split up into three teams and went to surrounding towns and villages to run children's day clubs, English clubs, and minister to drug and alcohol addicts. My team traveled 11 hours by train to the city of Rubsovsk. We were there for 3 days and ran two 3 hour clubs in different parts of the city. Then we went to the village of Novorisiki where we ran a 5 hour 3 day club. Finally we ran a one day club in the village of Tishinki before going back to Novosibirsk. My heart was very saddened by the time we spent in the villages. Both villages had around 700 people. On the surface, village life looks very peaceful and wonderful. Every family has a garden where they grow vegetables, most have chickens, cows, dogs, cats, pigs, maybe even a goat. But under the surface it's a terribly depressing place, a place where people have no hope. There is no Church in Novorisiki, one man and his girlfriend gave their hearts to the Lord during our time there, but besides them there are no believers who live in this village. Alcohol and drug abuse are the norm, suicide is not uncommon, most young people try to leave as soon as they can, and there are many who practice witchcraft and sorcery. Like I said, from the surface it looks like a very peaceful and pleasant life, but in reality, they have little to no hope of anything better.

I'm still processing through everything that happened during my time in Russia and praying about how God wants to use these experiences. God has taught me a lot about how my presence matters and my prayers matter. I may never see the result of my prayers, especially in only a few short weeks, but I can be confident that they do matter. Naturally I want to practice my language skills, but I'm also learning that there are other ways that I can bless someone by sharing myself. While we were in Rubsovsk, I sang a song for one of the really small churches. Afterwords someone came up and told me that even though he didn't understand what I was singing because it was in English, he was blessed by it. Most of the kids didn't speak any English, but just a smile or holding their hand meant so much to them.

I may write another update even though I'm back, just to write out more of the things that happened while I was there.

Battle of the Mind

It's hard to believe that it's only been two and a half weeks since I got here, it seems like it's been a month. We got back from the rafting trip on Saturday evening. The trip was good, but hard. I felt extremely isolated because of the language barrier and I thought I would be doing more on the trip other than be a particapant. Everyday seemed to be multiple days because I went through so many ups and downs. About the secound or third day of the trip I was really frustrated because I couldn't see why I was there and what I was supposed to be doing. I had a very long conversation with God where He told me to be present and listen. The rest of the trip, I tried hard to be present even when it was extremely awkward. I still don't feel like I did anything, but I hope that something good came out of me being there. If nothing else, I was able to pray for a few of the teenagers there. One girl in particular struck me. From the very first day I could tell that she loved to sing and she had a beautiful voice, but she seemed to be sad a lot. I don't know why and I didn't really talk to her at all, but I prayed for her and I hope that God touched her heart that week. There were about 70 people who went on the rafting trip, ages 14 and up. The guy that lead it studied at OM's Dicipleship centre and all of the people on the trip were from one of the larger Baptist churches in Novosibirsk.
I think today is the half-way point in my trip. I miss home a lot, right now I really wish I was back in my apartment cooking my food and talking with one of my closest friends. Don't get me wrong, the people here are very nice and I like them a lot, but it's always been hard for me to let myself get close to people that I've just met. I don't know, I feel like I'm rambling. I guess I had expected that being in Russia would change the way I act and who I am in a sense. I'm in a different country and the people are all different, but I still have the same struggles talking to people. I have had the oppurtunity to talk in Russian with a couple of people one-on-one, but I'm still really bad at talking in groups especially in Russian. My russian has gotten a little better, I understand a little more when people are talking and I can speak a little more than when I got here, but I still feel very incompetent. I'm trying to not let that keep me from practicing, but I have such a mentality of perfection. I have to continue reminding myself that sucess does not equal perfecting, but rather completion is more a sign of sucess. If I can communicate an idea to someone in Russian, then whether my grammer is right or not, it is a sucess and I can be proud of that. This whole trip seems to be a battle of the mind. During the month of June I was made aware of more lies that I have believed for many years. And now the intensity of needing to fight those lies with truth is more important that ever. There is no where to run to avoid these feeling, I have to deal with them. I have to be constantly reminding myself of the truth; that I'm not defined by my failures, that I don't have to feel guilty for being who I am, that I do have something to offer as a friend, that there is a purpose for my being here even if I can't see it. Please pray for the grace and strenth to fight for the truth in my heart and mind. Pray for boldness and joy, that I would be able to enjoy my time here and not get caught in analizing how I think things are going and get caught in shame of how I could have done better.

Everyday Things

I arrived in Novosibirsk on Monday. It took four flights and about 24 hours to get here. I didn't have any problems making all of my flights and finding my way around the airports. It was absolutely beautiful when my first flight took off in KC. The sun was beginning to rise and the clouds and sky were gorgeous and magical.
We are 12 hours ahead here, so I've been here for about 3 days. It's been stressful so far trying to adjust to the time difference, and being in a completely different culture. I feel very awkward most of the time and I'm trying not to feel stupid, because I don't know what I'm doing. I have had the chance to talk to in Russian a bit. I'm staying at OM's Discipleship Center, where most of the girls speak English. There are two Laura's, one from England and the other from the US. Both of the Tanya's are from here, but they both speak English fairly well. Zhenya and his wife Yulia life in a flat attached to the DC (Discipleship Center) and they are both learning English, but they don't know very much yet. Zhenya was the one who picked me up from the airport and he tried to ask me questions in the limited English he knew and I tried to answer him in what Russian I know, so it was an interesting conversation. My first day here was probably the hardest. Since I was trying to stay awake all day the American Laura took me into the city. We had to take a Marshruta, which is a small bus, and then we took the metro. I fPelt very self conscious the whole time since I figured everyone could tell that I was American, but it wasn't that big of a deal. Laura and I walked around the city a little bit and she showed me where the Opera house is and I saw a really neat fountain. Then Laura had to go to the dentist and after that we went back to the DC. Laura and I went to Zhenya and Yulia's apartment today and talked with Yulia's mother and sister for a while. I had my first cup of tea in Russia and surprisingly enough, I liked it. I don't remember what kind it was, but it was a black tea of some kind. I was kind of afraid that since I'd never had tea that I liked, I would be forced to drink a lot of nasty tea. Russians drink tea constantly, because they have to boil the water to make it safe for drinking. If all of the tea I have here tastes like the first kind, then don't have to worry about not liking it. Apparently Russian's think that American's don't know anything about good tea.
On Friday we leave for the rafting trip (splav) and that will be for a week. It'll be a camping trip, so that will be interesting.
Please pray for a family here, they are needing a place to live and no one wants to rent to them because they are central asian. They also took in a woman who is being chased by the man she was living with that was beating her. She recently became a Christian and wanted to leave him and now he is threatening to kill this family that she is staying with. Please pray for their safety and that they would find a place to live.
I'll try to upload some pictures later.

The Adventure Begins

What in the world am I doing? This is the phrase I've been asking myself since yesterday afternoon when I realized that I'm about to fly half way around the world by myself. My visa came on Thursday! I fly out of Kansas City tomorrow morning about 6am and arrive in Novosibirsk around 5pm on July 11th (5am CST). I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, but I'm excited to see what the Lord is going to do! Please pray for smooth travels.

Unexpected Delays

Originally today was supposed to be the day that I left for my Russian adventure, however, man's ways are not God's ways. Because of unexpected delays in getting my visa I am now leaving on July 4 or 5th to go to Russia. Please keep me in your prayers. The last month has been very stressful. I have not yet raised my full support for my trip and until last week was waiting to hear about my visa. I've also been dealing with a lot of personal issues in the last few weeks. I'm still looking and praying for a new roommate for next year. I've been back and forth to the International House of Prayer quite a bit the last few weeks, and some of my friends up there have been helping me realize some things in my heart that I need to deal with and ways that I need to let God move in my heart. Feelings of unworthiness, rejection, loneliness, and having to perform are just some of the things I've been struggling with. I know that I need to realize God's love for me in a new way and just let him love me. It's so hard to just sit back and do nothing that when I do, I'm accused by the enemy that I'm a failure or it's my fault that things aren't working out the way I'd like. But those are lies. Especially with this trip, this is the Lord's trip not mine. I have done practically nothing to make this trip happen and I know that there is nothing I can do to make everything come together with my visa and money. I have to trust God fully and completely because there is nothing else I can do. I know that this whole trip is not a mistake. Despite people like my dad telling me that it is foolish, I know that God wants me to go on this trip and I know that the Lord will provide for all of my needs. Still all that doesn't change the fact that I feel lost, confused, and scared about everything in my future.
Please pray for me, I need more of Jesus desperately every single day. I know that I can't do anything without him.